you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
