Screwed.edu
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
