I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize