But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
