Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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