my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the high leading the old right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
