Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
