I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize