do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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