this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
