My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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