Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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