haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
