no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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