Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just had sex bonerless
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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