Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
