And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
