i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
