they need to just BURY HIM!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
