Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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