how can u be prego again
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
