I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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