In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
