I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
