its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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