That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
