I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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