I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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