what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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