yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
