I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
