not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He felt like a one man threesome
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
