I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
they're like a gay fantastic four
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
