I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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