omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
