I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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