i already hear my dad disowning me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
