hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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