i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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