wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
vagina is talking i cant
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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