I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
