My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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