Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
