you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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