Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
