in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the day after is always just damage control
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
