Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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