I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
