I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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