new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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