with your own penis?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
