I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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