Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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