Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I faked an abortion last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
