I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
