The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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