walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh god it's open bar.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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