hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
