those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
