Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize