no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
