Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
two words...techno handjob
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the liver wants what the liver wants
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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