By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
