Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
