Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
