I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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