Got a toothbrush?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize