living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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