Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
