To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
