so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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