I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no, he came in my armpit
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
