Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Two words: nipple clamps
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