I cannot find my penis.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
