The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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