So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize