You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
