i think i have herpe
just one?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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