Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
