HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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