Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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