i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
