BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
