My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
