whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
