I just saw a hot homeless man
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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