He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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