if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
