I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
