It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
