I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
