It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
