I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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