I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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