i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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