Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
