His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
