The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
